GENERAL RELATER TRAITS
While both men and women are found in this type, women are usually encouraged to adopt this style, while men are discouraged from it. As a result, this type may seem to be more prevalent among women, though that may not be the case. The effects of socialization and conditioning can, and does, alter self-perception. Relaters want to build relationships above all else. They genuinely care and are always looking for ways to be helpful. They anticipate the needs of others and expect that others will do the same, however, this is fairly exclusive to the Relater temperament. Relaters are loving, loyal, considerate and helpful. They make great team players. They are quiet, reserved, introverted feelers who enjoy people but would rather stay in the background helping and supporting others. They don’t like being the center of attention. They are great listeners who are genuinely empathetic, always willing to let someone cry on their shoulder. They tend to be somewhat secretive about their own feelings, however, and rarely, if ever, ask others for help. Because of this, they seldom get their own needs met. They focus on the needs of the group, the family, etc., and while they certainly gain pleasure from seeing that they have given pleasure to others, they have needs of their own that are seldom expressed.

Relaters are nurturers. They feel that pleasing other people is the reason for their being and they work hard at it. Bringing joy to others makes the Relater feel complete. Relaters form relationships easily. Everyone loves them because they are so agreeable, laid- back and easygoing. They are flexible and willing to adjust their own needs to suit the needs of others. They are the caretakers of the world bringing comfort to the sick and downtrodden and genuine helpfulness to as many people as they can accommodate. They are easy to talk to, giving their undivided attention to whoever has their ear at the moment.

Relaters generally try to please all the people all the time, which can make them seem wishy-washy and indecisive at times. They tend to go along with whatever is happening in order to keep the peace. They consult others often to be sure they are pleased and, if they aren’t, the Relater suffers quietly, then sets out to correct the situation to the best of their ability. To feel secure, which is very important to a Relater, they need to trust the people in their lives. They tend to withdraw into a silent shell when around people they don’t feel they can trust. They detest criticism or conflict and will work hard at self-correction in order to avoid it. Relaters often hold their feelings inside until they become overwhelmed, then they may explode, leaving those around them wondering what happened. They usually regain their composure quickly, feel remorseful, and apologize.

FRIENDSHIPS to a Relater are what life is all about. They want to be everyone’s friend and they work very hard to achieve that goal. They are gentle, compassionate and devoted to those they care about. There is little they won’t do to assure the happiness and contentment of friends and family. They tend to remember birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions. They anticipate the needs of their loved ones and try to fill those needs without ever being asked to do so. This can sometimes get them into trouble because what they perceive as a need to be taken care of, can be seen by the receiver as meddling or patronizing, which is never their intent. One small complaint about such behavior is usually enough to stop it. Then they will tend to hang back and wait to be asked by that person before they do anything. In general though, Relaters are wonderful, kind, considerate friends.

AT HOME Relaters work very hard to keep things peaceful and calm and to keep family members content. They will take on an extraordinary amount of the work load in an effort to please. But, since they seldom point out what they have done, they seldom receive the recognition and praise they so long for (and generally deserve). In response, they try to accomplish even more and, if that doesn’t bring the desired result, they eventually get overwhelmed and withdraw into a silent sadness. Relaters prefer to assume a subordinate position, and do so naturally. To outsiders this can make their partner appear controlling. Women who are married to Relater men are often accused of “wearing the pants” in the family. In fact, the partners of Relaters usually wish the Relater would take more initiative and depend less on them to make decisions.

Relaters have a tendency to idealize their mates and their children. They sometimes place their loved ones up on pedestals and work hard to ensure that they stay there...at least in their own minds. They involve their spouses in all aspects of their lives, telling them about work and other outside events and asking for feedback and opinions. Any trouble in their primary relationship is a source of severe stress to a Relater. It can throw them into a deep depression, or a state of confusion and dismay. When they are worried about a relationship, they tend to become needy, seeking excess amounts of reassurance. This can cause the partner to get even more irritated, which creates a vicious cycle. The end of a significant relationship feels like the end of the world to a Relater and they will do almost anything to prevent it. Breakups are usually initiated by the partner, unless the Relater believes that to end it would make their partner happier. Relaters are devoted and attentive parents, who take the time to know their children and to help them get their needs met. In a relationship where their laid back style isn’t a problem to the other members of the family and where the Relater is noticed and appreciated, harmony and warmth are what prevails.

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE OPERATING MODES

POSITIVE Relaters are are thoughtful, dependable, helpful, kind, considerate, empathetic and genuinely interested in bringing about the best possible result for everyone. They are flexible and willing to make sacrifices for those they care about, but have learned to express personal boundaries when necessary. They are always available to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. They work hard to bring harmony to their surroundings and are great team players. While they prefer to remain "behind the scenes", they can step up and take the lead if doing so will bring about the harmony they so desire. Positive Relaters are warm, friendly, and compassionate. There is no one more delightful to be around.

NEGATIVE Relaters can be sullen, too indecisive, detached and distant; or overly clinging, needy, whiners that drive people up a wall. They see themselves as helpless, weak and inferior, and that’s exactly how they act. They refuse to make a move without someone’s permission, and often get stuck and can’t think their way around obstacles or out of a dilemma. They become too dependent on others, coming across as an immature child. Negative Relaters believe that the only way they can have any strength or worth is to attach themselves to a stronger person. They then cling to that person so tightly that the other person eventually must fight them off or escape to maintain their own sanity. Then the clinging Relater ends up alienating or losing the very thing they were trying so hard to keep. Negative Relaters allow others to make most, if not all, of their decisions for them and then blame those who made the decisions if they are not pleased with the result. They have difficulty initiating projects or doing things on their own. They have no goals, no realistic dreams, and no ambitions. They also tend to be lazy and undirected, and will go out of their way to avoid work.